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Groom Says Love is Ageless

June 23, 2011

Well, what do you expect him to say when he’s 51 and she’s 16 — “I like the way she she looks in pigtails and plaid skirt.”

Actor Doug Hutchison, 51, best known for the character Percy Wetmore in Stephen King’s “The Green Mile,” married 16 year-old  aspiring country star, Courtney Alexis Stodden, on May 20th at a ceremony in Las Vegas. (Of course it was Vegas — it might be illegal in Atlanta)

Her mom signed the waiver allowing the minor child to marry.

I don’t exactly know who’s the most creepiest here — the knocking on social security, washed up actor, or the star struck mom who thinks allowing your high school sophomore daughter to marry a man three times her age is a good idea?

It all sounds very third world arranged marriageish. Even by Hollywood standards it’s pretty creepy.

I’m not convinced the senior and the sophomore have done the math. When he’s 65 she’ll be 30. (which, by the way, does sound a whole lot better than 51/16.) When I was 30 I dated some 30 year-olds. I think Percy will be way out of his league.

A few questions immediately comes to mind:

Does she have a driver’s license?

Will her new husband drive her to school or will she have to ride the bus?

Now that she is married can she still get the child rate at Disneyland?

Since the bride is considered a minor was her mother required to sign the prenup?

Was she attracted to his huge…… bank account?

How long have they been dating? Two or three years?
(Wrap your head around that one)

Now that she’s legally married does she still need her mom’s consent to get implants, or can hubby sign off on that one?

I wonder who will do laundry… mom?

Being a 16 year old, Courtney Alex was born in 1995.  That means:

Her future husband was filming “A Time to Kill” when she was born.

Forest Gump won best picture.

Bill Clinton was in the White House.

Chelsea Clinton was 15.

Madman Timothy McVey destroyed the federal building in OKC with a homemade bomb.

In a bit of irony, the Congress passed the Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act, requiring that producers of pornography keep records of all models who are filmed or photographed, and that all models be at least 18 years of age.

 O. J. Simpson is found not guilty of double murder for the deaths of former wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Was it only a short 16 years ago? My, how time flies.

Actor Doug Hutchison was 35 years old.

Who does he think he is — Hugh Hefner?

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2 Comments
  1. June 23, 2011 3:35 pm

    That’s one year (or maybe just a few months, depending on when her birthday is) and one parental consent form away from pedophilia. Ew. This totally pegs the creep-o-meter.

  2. June 23, 2011 3:45 pm

    Wait a minute. I’m not so sure who led whom down the primrose path any more!

    First of all, Courtney’s Mommy swears that the bride’s boobs are real (?!? Really, Mom? Why would the question of whether or not a sixteen year old has implants even come up? I mean, seriously. What decent parent would allow their beautiful daughter to get plastic bags full of chemicals shoved into their chest wall at the tender age of 16?).

    Secondly, Mommy insists Courtney was a virgin until her wedding night.

    Er….

    I’m not so sure about the virginity and, frankly, I don’t care. It’s none of my business. But I suspect Mommy Dearest is lying about the boobs.

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