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I forgot

February 27, 2011

For an instant last night, wrapped up in my own world that included hot chocolate, Facebook, a chocolate chip cookie, this odd little dog, and a dozen other things to steal my attention away from reality, I forgot to write.

What scares me about that statement is it happens much more often than I would admit it to myself or anyone else. Maybe that’s why I’m telling you now, so I can get it out in the open where it doesn’t hide in the recesses of my daily denial. Confession is good for the soul, they say — we shall see. The truth is I go through constant bouts of self-criticism where I question my abilities and retreat.

I’m in somewhat of a creative void right now and I do exactly the wrong thing to deal with it. I avoid the blank page as if it were the tax man banging at my door. Go away, I shout, hoping the silence will return and I can go about the business of wasting daylight and avoiding my muse.

The blinking cursor beats a rhythm like a sadistic metronome banging out a funeral march as I stare at the blank screen – blip, blip, blip, blip…. It toys with me and I swat at the keyboard trying to drive away the demons that steal the words from my fingers.

The one bright spot in this sea of creative nothingness has been my blog and last night I even forgot that.  The horror…. the horror.

Tonight it’s the Oscars and a cup of hot chocolate to offer a few hours of respite from the blinking cursor. And tomorrow is another Monday to work up the courage to tame that flashing little bar that separates me from creative progress. It taunts me… it taunts me…

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4 Comments
  1. February 27, 2011 11:45 am

    This is such a good news/bad news kind of blog. The good news (for me, at least) is that this blog has now become my favorite of yours: Genuine, exceedingly well written, east to relate to. I really, really like this blog.

    The bad news is, tonight is the Oscars. *sigh* Guess I’ll see you tomorrow, honey!

  2. February 27, 2011 11:55 am

    I, too, enjoy your writings, Mickey. And, as Debi said, it is often easy to relate to…especially THIS one. I don’t feel so alone now in the self-criticism and ability questioning arena now. That nothingness you speak of has hounded me for awhile now and is getting stronger since I retreat for much too long periods. You definitely have the skills and knowledge to create magnificent pieces. Keep it up! I haven’t decided if I’ll watch the Oscars tonight or just catch the highlights later. Enjoy!

  3. February 27, 2011 3:14 pm

    Whats with the odd little dog?

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